Starting Shadow Work: Scripting

My shadow journal

The shadow is the concept, originally formulated by Carl Jung, that we relegate all things we don't like about ourselves or wish not to acknowledge to a shadowy place within ourselves. We create the shadow self by pushing down traits and experiences we don't wish to address into this shadowy place. As a result, the things we don't like about ourselves become suppressed and begin expressing themselves in ways we are not entirely conscious of. They grow and create more issues, more roadblocks, more shadow material. The many ways in which this unexplored shadow material manifests is often self-destructive and harmful to others.

Included in shadow material are negative beliefs we have about ourselves, such as a lack of worthiness, a feeling of not being competent, or intense feelings of shame surrounding personal insecurities. This could also be referring to traumatic events such as abuse or tragedy, events that need to be processed and illuminated in order to heal. Shadow material can also include programming from society that promotes sexism, eating disorders, racism, transphobia and many other forms of oppression.

Shadow work is a rigorous long term process of healing, growth and self-acceptance. There are many ways to do it, including through journaling, art, tarot and seeing a therapist. If you are new to shadow work, and are interested in trying it out, I have some suggestions for you on how to get started! The most straightforward way to get things going is through scripting. Here, I will guide you through this process:

1. Identify your core beliefs.

Think about all the things you were taught to believe since childhood about yourself, family, love, the world etc. What do you believe to be true to your core? About yourself? About religion? Relationships? The world? How do you see things? This can cover things such as personal insecurities, your worldview and what you were taught about politics and certain groups of people. Many of these core beliefs may be positive! List as many as you can think of on a piece of paper.

After you've made the list, meditate on where or who each belief originated from. Identify what beliefs stand out to you very obviously as beliefs that no longer serve you, beliefs you'd like to release. Meditate on this, focusing on the one that seems to be catching your attention and heart the most.

2. Do Some Shadow Scripting.

Shadow scripting is part structured journal prompt and part free-form stream of conscious writing. Choose one of your core beliefs or, alternatively, choose a concern of yours that's been bugging you that day. Start scripting with this prompt:

"I feel _A__ because _B__"

"I feel _B_ because _C__"

"Because I feel C__, I think that _D__."

I'll give you an example from my own shadow journal of a pretty robust example of a journal entry to give you a good jumping-off point. I am comfortable sharing this one because it's from awhile ago, and I have since successfully illuminated and integrated this shadow aspect. That is not to say that I still have smaller triggers on and off about this topic, which I will then respond to with more shadow work.

The following entry was prompted by me feeling angry at my parents on the day that I wrote it and my former core belief of "I am a toxic person to my sister:"

I feel angry at my parents because they abandoned J and I.

Because they made me feel abandoned, we had to take on roles that weren't appropriate to take care of one another.

Because our roles were messed up, we have a bad relationship now and feel triggered by one another.

We have a bad relationship because my mom manipulates my sister, and J resents me for the fucked up roles.

She resents me for that because our relationship as a result felt unhealthy for her (and it was), characterized by co-dependency and unwanted mothering from her sister rather than her mom.

We were codependent because we needed some form of support.

We were starved of support because our parents weren't emotionally present. We both felt helpless.

I mothered J because she didn't have one through her hardest times and I felt she would die without it because of suicide attempts.

I feel like I ruined my relationship with J because I had a hard time shifting out of a mother role. I hated myself for that and felt shame.

I had a hard time with this because that's how it had always been.

I have a hard time shifting because I still think it's my responsibility to take care of her.

Because I still take responsibility for her, I think that it's my fault, and I blame myself for J having a hard childhood.

Because I felt I left her unprotected in childhood, I blame myself for her being sexually assaulted in college.

This causes me a lot of pain because I feel inadequate and helpless.

I feel inadequate because I couldn't protect her from everything.

I can't protect her from everything because it's not possible.

It's not possible because she doesn't want it.

It's not possible because when I was younger, I was a powerless and sick child.

Because I was a child, I couldn't be and shouldn't have been a parent to J or myself.

I shouldn't have been expected to do that because that's my parents' job.

Because they didn't do their job, all the responsibility fell on me.

Because that happened, I have an unrealistic idea of what I should and shouldn't be.

Because that happened, my sister fell through the cracks and irreversible damage happened.

Because that happened, I am angry with my parents.

I'm angry with my parents because I couldn't count on them to take care of me and keep me safe.

Because they didn't keep me safe, I was doing everything I could to make sure the same thing didn't happen to J. I was trying to feel a sense of control and security, and to make J feel the same way.

I did that because I love my sister.

I did that because I wanted someone else to do that for me and I knew how much it meant.

I did that but it wasn't what she wanted. It is arrogant of me to say what she needed when she tells me the opposite now.

Because I love my sister, it's hard for me to deal with our estrangement and her thwarted perception of me.

Though her perception of me hurts, I know that it doesn't change who I am, what I did, how close we were, and how much she appreciated it at the time.

It hurts me because I want my sister back

I want my sister back even though we never got to play the role of sibling with one another.

I am full of grief because I lost my daughter and missed out on having and being a sibling.

Some essential tips on this before embarking on your own journey:

• Set a timer.

We don't want to self help ourselves to death or spiral into unhealthy rumination on our traumas or perceived flaws. I usually give myself 20 minutes to script, and then I reflect on what came up for me.

• Reflect on the results.

In the case of the example I provided, I realized the role issues that cropped up from dysfunctional parenting in my family, and that I'm not a toxic person - I simply did my best with what I was given. At the same time, I was able to acknowledge that the dynamic became toxic, that my sister has a right to feel that way, and that I respect her desire for distance as a result.

• Be compassionate with yourself.

Part of the destination of shadow work is to develop greater compassion towards yourself (and ideally others) and a more developed understanding of the complicated feelings you have all tied up in your shadow. Before ending a shadow scripting session, give some thought to self compassion and steer the flow of thought towards a more loving read on your perception of self and your feelings.

• Be accountable.

At the same time, it's important that we claim responsibility for our actions, which is necessary in developing a deep understanding of our shadow and, therefore, a greater sense of healing. It can be difficult and uncomfortable, but reflecting on a shadow work scripting session is a great opportunity to take stock of your own mistakes, the feelings of others, and developing a greater sense of accountability.

• But it doesn't have to be perfect.

You don't have to say anything exactly right in your scripting. You might find yourself saying vague or unhelpful things like "I am bad because X." As you continue through the session, simply elaborate on those feelings.

• Stick to "I feel" statements as much as you can.

When you say "I feel like I am a bad sister," that is not really a feeling. It's a thought. Dig deeper into how that makes you feel and tap into the feelings you're really having about that. For example, "I feel shame for not being there for my sister," or, "I feel angry and humiliated that I was so helpless to stop the scary stuff from happening." The FEELINGS, rather than thoughts, is where shadow work produces the most juicy results. Take this time shadow scripting as an opportunity to tap into your emotional body, and how these feelings are manifesting or being sensed in your body, such as an upset stomach or tension in your brow.

• Set sacred space.

Ritualize the practice and hold space for it by lighting candles, burning incense, playing music or calling in your ancestors as support. Whatever makes you feel most supported during this time of reflection. I like to light my Hecate candle, say a prayer to her, and keep Her key on my journal page as (and before) I write

• Let yourself move through the feelings, and journal about those in your scripting process as well.

If you feel like crying or you feel angry and other triggers such as negative self beliefs are coming up, be present with them and let them move through. Have a good cry. Process these feelings as they come up in your shadow journal. Let it all flow on the page.

• Dedicate a journal just for your shadow work.

Besides organization, having a journal dedicated to only shadow work helps ritualize and validate the process even more.

3. Practice self care afterwards.

Once your 20 minutes of journaling is up (or whatever amount of time you dedicated to scripting), move right into restorative and rejuvenating activities. Reflect with a loved one about your realizations. Recite positive affirmations. Move your body through yoga. Drink a fruity tea. Do whatever you need to do that makes your body feel better and leaves you feeling grounded and cared for as the lessons of the shadow work session integrate.

By the end of a scripting session, you should feel that you've gained a better understanding of yourself and how you were feeling. This can come as a big relief for those of us who tend to ruminate, and are getting super anxious or depressed as a result of not addressing the shadow.

If this activity resonates with you, consider carving out time every week to do some scripting, and reflect on whatever comes up in whatever way feels good and natural to you. Everyone's process is different, and you will know what is most aligned for your healing journey.